A reporter once asked Peyton Manning, “Peyton, what kept you going after such a serious neck injury?”

Peyton paused, then said, “You’ve met Eli, right? The guy who wears helmets off the field. The one with the special rubber pants.”

“You might’ve heard that the Giants had to assign someone just to keep track of his favorite blanket during road games so he wouldn’t get fussy. The fact my dad had to chaperone his honeymoon and ended up living with him.” Peyton added, rubbing his temples.

“Has he shown you his horse drawings? The ones that look like snakes? Or explained in excruciating detail how he envisions those horses as purple in his head before bringing them to life with crayons? We’ve got to keep an eye on him during those coloring sessions, or the toilet ends up all sorts of colors.”

“Did you know Big Bird officiated his wedding? And everyone that attended had to pretend like it was a real 7-foot talking yellow bird, or else risk Eli getting upset and using his unusual strength to ruin the ceremony?”

“My brother is… well, you understand. I just couldn’t retire with fewer Super Bowls than him… I’ll leave it at that.” 
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